Finally...

I just had a very interesting, happening Saturday.

First of all, our colleagues decided to organize a karaokay outings. Fine. So I went along and had some fun. I have always enjoyed singing anyway. And of course I shocked everyone with my falsetto rendition of 千言万语.

After the karaokay session which ends usually with a long list of unsung songs, I received a message from him to ask me out. Yay! That was the first time he initiated a date. So we went out. He is busy with an upcoming event so I ended up carrying stuff for him, but I am happy nonetheless. So after all, it's not just a unilateral thing. ;)

My friends from Singapore visited me at night, and we had a nice chat. Nice to feel at home again!

And this week, all hell breaks lose as my boss unleashed one after another un-planned, un-announced projects on my head. I like to call that "free-style" management; At the end of the day, your effort is worthless (free = no price).

Talk about a hectic life! Now (as in at this moment), my dream job would be a receptionist that is filing his nails and receives call once in a while to appear effecient. I really don't mind that.

平添三百岁

今天旁听课，老师在教生日，年月日的连着说。有一位学生把“六”和“九”搞混了，19XX年的生日说成了16XX年，平添了三百岁，大家听了都乐了。

想想，要真的活了三百年，多可怕呀？

Over-reacting

I don't know why I like to over-react over certain small things. I guess I am referring to things like using "goodbye" insteand of "see you". I guess if I care for someone enough, I can be very sensitive. In fact, I can be abundantly sensitive, which might cause pressure.

Oh god. I am not feeling normal nowadays. I am suppose to be COOL! You know,泰山崩于前而色不变 type of cool. But now I am acting like a total idiot!

Why can't I fall in love "normally"? Like, just meet someone that love me, and I love him, and we go out for date, make out, go to bed, plan for future, etc. I must find someone who scream trouble from the outset and throw myself to him.

Sometimes I can't stand myself. Such a melodrama queen. I would much rather be a bitchy queen. But I guess I have a sweet disposition......

Eeeeeekkkkkkkkk~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye?

Do you have to use the word "bye"? I hate people telling me bye, especially you, because it sounded like you don't want to see me again.

This time, I'll wait for you to contact me... If you don't, maybe it means that you never wanted to be with me to begin with? Maybe it means that, I have been lying to myself since the beginning...

Unfortunately, I am very good at lying to myself... So... no more...

错过

命运往往是让人啼笑皆非的。当情势，无论在公事还是私事上，逐渐好转时，我却在考虑是否离开。公事上还好，并不会太过可惜，只是要处理好善后事宜。私事上就有些可惜了。我很少对一个人那么有感觉，如果离开吉隆坡，可能缘分就无疾而终了。

有些烦恼，但是生命就是如此。自己的路，始终要自己走。其实心中已经有了决定，现在只是及时行乐而已。与命运擦身而过，并不是第一遭，却是感触最深的一次。可能人逐渐长大了，也开始逐渐地珍惜机缘。

吁兮吁兮，命运多桀。人生苦短，白发徒长。

Have I messed up?

I can't believe I messed up my date so badly! I asked him out for Pirates of Carribean and he agreed. And only after I reached the cinema that I realized it's NOT open yet! Argh.

We both don't know what to do, so we ended up walking to Sungai Wang (which I haven't been to before, so at least it's something new for me), and eat at the roadside hawker store. We didn't talk much, because didn't know what to say! That was so awkward!

I tried to keep it light, but I think he was a bit bored. Now I feel like an idiot. If there is anyway to abort a relationship before it has even started, this is the perfect way. I am just praying he can continue to be nice. (Since he wants to be the nice guy, so whatever, be consistent lar)

Passion blinds and makes one stupid. That is so true.

I just want to enjoy this feeling while it last! It's so rare I am feeling like this... and maybe it's the season ;)!

爸爸说我喜欢自寻烦恼.但是如果人生没有烦恼,那不是太闷了吗?

Time is eternal

Human life is too short to be wasted. Because time is one directional and irreversible, we have to be callous and catious at the same time. Decisions made cannot be reversed, yet if you cannot make a decision, you will not get anywhere in life, and time does not wait.

I ask myself, what is the most important thing in my life?

Sometimes, I loathe the feeling to thinking too much, too clearly. When I see the world from sky, I find myself small and helpless. Maybe it's a good thing to put my foot "down to earth". At least when I look around, I feel secure. But then again, can I be contented with the view?

父母常说：脚踏实地。这也是中国人千百年来的生活哲学。但是，所谓的脚踏实地，应该是指坚持自己的信念，还是随波逐流地去做别人认为你应该做的事?李白脚踏实地吗？虽然他天马行空，但是还是坚持自己的文学创作，从而成为千古传颂的“诗仙”。难道这不是另一种“脚踏实地”吗？

Fated?

Well, we had our third "not-date" and our second, um... intimacy. The whole thing feels so right it's overwhelming, although I did something embarassing at the end. I don't think he really minded, but I am not really sure.

I really want this to work out, so please give me the courage and wisdom to see this through. I am the kind of person that prefer to stick to one relationship for my whole life, and spend all my effort in nurturing that one relationship, so I can have more time and energy to do things for the society.

The ironic thing is now that I met someone whom I potentially have a future with, I am considering to move back to Singapore. This is not the first time I lamented the twisted, ironic humor of fate, but this is definitely the most vehement.

BTW, Does anyone know the intake date of MOE?

Random thoughts

Will I find my life partner here in KL? Or will it be another futile attempt. I don't know. He did show sign of wanting to be friend. Or he could just be trying to be nice. I hate people who try to be NICE. It gets confusing, but in his case, I don't really care as long as I get to go out with him.

Relationship has a very important role in my life. Sometime I think about what I will sacrifice to maintain a relationship and the enormity of it scares me. I only hope if I finally met the right person, he will be worth it, and we can somehow work together for a meaningful future.

KL is more expensive than Singapore. You might be surprised but it's true. In Singapore, earning 3000SGD per month can give you a pretty comfortable life, but in KL, the same amount of money (in local currency, i.e. RM3000), cannot give you the same standard of living. I hate to admit it, but Malaysia is not progressing enough to keep up with the world. it's really a shame considering how much potential this country had.

I have been haunted by a urgent need to progress. There's this tempo of life that tells me time is slowly running out for human kind, yet no one seemed to care. Things are happening, and they will continue to happen. Some day, when things come to an inevitable climax, I pray for those who are not mentally prepared.

I am probably just paranoid, but I want to do what I want to do before it's too late.

As I am typing this in an internet cafe, there's a young kid sitting opposite me who is singing into his monitor. Looking at him, I feel a dreaded chill. He is perfectly happy in his enclosed personal space, yet how long can he shut the world out? How many people in the world are shutting out the real events that's happening?

The people around me are playing different online game, immersing in and enjoying their constant escapade into a fantasy world where they don't have to face the real issues. I shall behold the day when the virtual world takes over the real world in people's collective consciousness.

This is an age of Mass Exodus to Inner Self. As many of us turned inward and found ourselves in a surreal, self-constructed fantasy world, what will happen to the real world? Or will it matter anymore?